· 6 min read
My Kids Don’t Speak English: Raising Bilinguals is Tough!
By Sarah & Ivan Ćosić, Royal Croatian Tours
Raising bilingual children has been a struggle: one I didn’t expect. I thought that just because I’m a native English speaker, my kids would naturally and effortlessly pick up the language, no matter what country we live in, and no matter what language surrounds us.
I always thought English would be their first language. I thought their accents would sound like mine. I thought it would be effortless. I was wrong.
My kids are 4, almost 3, and 1 (all born here in Croatia, where we currently live). The older two speak Croatian fluently, but their English is still a work in progress. My youngest just turned one, so I’m not sure what language she’s babbling in, but time will tell :)
I feel an incredible amount of pressure to get them all speaking English natively while they’re still young enough, and their brains are still able to work that incredible magic.
I know that English is there, bubbling in their brains. They follow every story I read to them, they follow multiple-step verbal directions, they can spout out the English equivalent to just about any Croatian word.
They understand everything I ask them in English. But their replies? Always in Croatian. ALWAYS.
It makes sense, though. They go to a Croatian preschool/kindergarten, their friends speak Croatian, the kids at the park speak Croatian, the people at our grocery store speak Croatian. They are (obviously) surrounded by a Croatian environment as soon as they walk out the front door every day.
But, “What language do your kids speak?” is still a question I get asked quite often. The answer is: they don’t speak English (yet), and I feel a lot of pressure and guilt because it. Let me explain...
We’re using the “one parent, one language” approach, meaning each parent only speaks their own native language to the kids.
This way, our children hear each language as it’s meant to be spoken, and they will associate each language with the corresponding parent, and then will speak to that parent in their native language.
Easy, right? Wrong. IT’S HARD. It’s not working for our family. And I’m about to throw this approach out the window. Here’s why...
Ivan speaks Croatian to kids, the kids speak Croatian back to him, and they also speak Croatian to each other when they play, since it’s their dominant language.
Then I switch to Croatian because when that’s all I hear, my language transitions without even noticing, and before I know it, we’re all speaking Croatian. And then I feel guilty because I’ve just robbed them of a few more minutes of hearing English at home.
I’m their only consistent source of English at this point in their lives.
And that leaves me feeling the pressure. It’s up to me for them to become native English speakers. It’s up to me to make sure they’re going to have a “natural” accent. It’s up to me to make sure I read them enough stories, talk to them about a thousand different subjects and expose them to as much English vocabulary as possible at this young age.
It’s overwhelming.
Since the rest of the world around them is in Croatian, it’s not abnormal that it’s become their dominant (and currently only spoken) language. But I think we might be on the brink of making our home an “English Zone” and abandoning the one parent, one language system (at least for now).
This way, we can be consistent in conversations, really give them more exposure to the language at home, and encourage them to reply in English since we’ll all be speaking it.
Also, Ivan and I tend to speak a weird mix of Croatian and English to each other at home, and our conversations float between the languages in an oddly natural way. It’s probably not helping the situation when our kids are around and listening in.
Any other bilingual homes do the same?
One of my biggest motivations for them to learn English as soon as possible stems from guilt.
I feel guilty that my kids can’t (yet) have conversations with my family in Canada and the States. My background is not Croatian, so no one else on my side of the family can speak or even understand what my precious babies are telling them.
Our video calls consist of me translating what they say, and then they add a few words or an occasional sentence in English here and there. It works, but it’s not ideal.
Language learning is always a work in progress, no matter how old you are, and no matter what language you’re learning. I know my babies will get there, but it definitely doesn’t happen by osmosis (which I naively thought would be the case).
Their Croatian is skyrocketing on the daily and I’m seriously SO PROUD of them for how much they’ve developed their skills so far (in both languages). They’re amazing, and I’m fascinated by them.
They’re doing superbly well in every aspect of Croatian, and they fully understand English. It’s incredible what their young brains are capable of.
It’s still a bit strange, though, that their first language isn’t my first language. I know this ultimately doesn’t matter, but it’s just something I didn’t expect.
I also don’t want to get so wrapped up in them learning English, that I don’t enjoy the most precious moments of their bilingual beginnings. Some examples:
- When I ask them to repeat something I simply didn’t hear, they think I didn’t understand their Croatian, so they try to find the English word for it to “help” me understand
- My 4 year old rolls her r sound when pronouncing random English words
- Did you know animal sounds are different in every language? My 4 year old’s first word was “vau-vau” which is equivalent to a dog’s bark, “woof woof!” They do every animal sound in both languages
- They mix a word or two of English into their otherwise perfect Croatian sentences
- When they really want something, they’ll try to string together an English sentence to ask for it, in order to charm me into giving it to them - I absolutely take advantage of these situations to encourage them to speak English
I’m trying to soak up this sweetness because when they do master English, they’ll naturally stop doing much of the above.
Our kids have a huge advantage by growing up in a bilingual home. They’ll eventually master both languages and have two mother-tongues, but having the English-learning load all on my back, feels a bit heavy.
There isn’t anything easy or instant about it. Language learning takes time, dedication and patience (and it’s a never ending process). For now, they’re native English listeners, and native Croatian speakers. But we’ll get there.
Anyone else currently raising (or have already raised) bilinguals and feel the same? Would love to hear your experiences!
Sarah Cosic
Royal Croatian Tours - Specializing in custom made, luxury trips throughout Croatia. We offer exclusive experiences all over the country, and we’re passionate about providing you exceptional service that goes above and beyond for your tailor made vacation!
If you’re interested in reading a few of our other posts about Croatia:
- 25 Strange Things Croatians Do (And Would Never Do)!
- Croatian Culture, Etiquette & Social Norms: A Complete Guide!
- 15 Places in Croatia You've Probably Never Heard Of!
- 50 Insanely Spectacular Photos of Croatia: Start Packing!
- Croatia’s Best 20 Beaches: Sandy, Pebbly & Hidden Gems
- Is Croatia Safe? Read Our 20 Useful Safety Tips for Tourists
- 5 Reasons Croatian Grannies are Cuter than Kittens
- 8 Reasons You Should Never Swim in the Adriatic
- Top 10 Day Trips From Zagreb, Within 1hr Drive
- Croatian Money: KN or EURO, Exchanging $, and Daily Costs
- How I Learned to Speak Croatian as an Adult (in 7 Steps)
- Driving in Croatia (A Helpful Guide With Practical Tips)
- 38 Local Tips & Mistakes to Avoid When Traveling to Croatia
- Travel to Croatia With a Toddler or Baby (From Experience!)
- Tipping in Croatia: A Complete Guide With Suggested Amounts!
About the authors
As a Canadian in Croatia, Sarah shares her favourite things to see and do, in hopes of helping others enjoy and explore this beautiful country.
Ivan is always searching for unique places and experiences to offer his guests, and shares some of his findings through the blog.
20 comments from readers
I love your article Sarah! Maybe one day their future mother-in-law can give them English lessons! :)
Yes!!! I wonder what language the babies will all speak when they play together! And better question, what language will they speak once they date and get married? Lol
Hi Sarah,
I just bumped to the site and I like it. Just a tip: since you live in Croatia and you are a native English try to do "four wall language policy" - only English within the house walls! It worked great for us.
Hi Zeljko! Thanks so much for you comment! Yes, I think I'm leaning towards doing that method now. Glad to know it's worked well for you! It's just hard to start, enforce it, and make it a habit. But I think that will be huge in helping them learn.
My Canadian son and wife live in the German part of Switzerland. 3 children. German is their first language. Son only speaks English to kids, wife German. In time the kids spoke both languages. Kids now 16, 13 and 9 and are fluent in both languages.
Thanks for your comment, Susan! It's always nice to hear these success stories! I know my babies will get there one day!
All I can say is don’t give up and don’t expect perfection. I live in Canada in an Anglo environment and my husband is Anglo. My background is French and German. I speak in French all the time and my kids go to French schools. They are speaking more English these days and there French is good and they have ok accents. If ever your children are in an English environment they will pick it up quickly. Music, films and comic books help. I also did the one language one parent as well as only playing French music and tv when they were young. Good luck! You are giving a wonderful gift to your children!
Thanks, Estelle!! Yes, I'm going to try and start playing more English music around the house, and only let them watch cartoons if they're in English. That's great your kids are doing well with both languages! Will you start them with German as well?
We’re a bilingual household in the US. Our 3yo has not been to school yet. His grandparents and father speak solely Croatian and myself solely English (though I’m now formally learning Croatian instead of via osmosis). He’s speaks Croatian beautifully, rolls those ‘r’s and everything. He’s so good at declinations I’m always shocked. He often searches for words in English but we’re not pushing it because I want him to really solidly that mother tongue before English really steals the show. Nice to know we’re in this crazy bilingual home style with others!!!
Thanks for sharing your story!! Yes, it's really nice to know we're not alone! That's great that he's picked up Croatian so beautifully, and that he gets that solid foundation before school starts and then as you said, English takes over. My kids' Croatian also amazes me. The cases that are so hard for me to learn...they just do so naturally!!
Bravo to you all for giving him the gift of another language!!
So, i live in Germany, came from Croatia 9 years ago. 2 kids, 8 and 4 (almost).
On the beginin we spoke English (for 10 years). After moving to Germany, just German would be spoken. Then my wife told me that I should speak only Croatian cause my German sucks.
So, now I m speaking most of the time Croatian.
As my boy was 5-6 I asked him why doesn t he speak Croatian to me?? He said: because you speak German.
During the summer we come in Croatia to my parents. And: THEY SPEAK GERMAN with my kids. Now, what should I say? :)
I mean, they are listeners, but still as listeners they don't don't speak it, they don t even try to speak it.
So, my son has some problems with an eye.
And I tell you one thing: when I see what he has to do as kind.. at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that he is happy, not me, not my expectations. Just he, he should be happy.
If I manage that, that after everything he has to do, after everything that is waiting for him, if he learns just how to make it and not brake it, if he can still be a positive person, than I did it.
Of course, if I only see how he sucks in Croatian, then.. Scheisse man :)
Life is a lot more then perfect speak 2 languages.
Of course it would be perfect, but if not, i won't blame myself.
Cheers 👍
I totally agree that their happiness is the most important! One of the big reasons I'm trying to get them to speak English as soon as I can is so that they can communicate with my side of the family (I don't have any Croatian roots, so no one in my family knows Croatian).
I think you are doing a great job.
Sometime it seems like there is no sense in what we/they are doing, but like you wrote, with some changes, you SEE the progress :) although the progress is happening all the time, we just didn t have the right "tool" to see it.
I m glad that you managed to get your kids use English - maybe I get mine somehow.. but you are showing us the way.
Keep doing good job
Cheers 👍
I'm an English speaker living in Croatia. My language with the kids (when we're alone) is English, they speak Croatian with their dad and our family language is Croatian. To make things more complicated, they go to a school where the language isn't Croatian or English.
The older ones speak English fluently - one started speaking English fluently around 4-5 years old, one started at around three. The youngest has just started speaking English although she understands everything, at 4.
We have a rule that if they watch TV, it has to be in English. Stories at bedtime are always in English (with an emphasis on awesome Canadian authors :)). The games they play online are also in English. Being a major world language that is present literally everywhere, it's not hard to pick up - using it at home adds to their vocabulary and gives them a great accent.
Thanks for your comment, Daniela! I now do story time only in English, and we implemented the English-only-cartoon rule recently.
I've noticed lately that my 4 year old (oldest of my 3 kids) has improved a lot lately, so I think something clicked in her brain and she's getting better by the day!
I know they'll eventually get it, I'm just excited for them to be able to speak to my family back in Canada and the U.S.
Sarah - my kids are big now and they speak English really really well, BUT, they have a certain accent regardless. Same situation as you but I gave in early since I also speak Croatian with my wife. On top of all that, I am usually laughed at by the whole family, daughter, son and wife, when I make a mistake in Croatian. They like to torture me by alughing at me but not telling me what I said wrong. Being the only native speaker in the house and with work never being home, the kids mostly hear me speaking English with my side of the family - borther mostly.
No advice from my side, just letting you know there are others out there who are frustrated that they did not achieve creating a native English speaker out of a child that was born in Croatia, went to Croatian schools, speaks Craotian at home.... you see where this is going.
Hi Tom - thanks for your comment!
My 4 year old already makes fun of how I say things in Croatian - I don't even think she means to, but I'll catch her repeating something I said in Croatian (incorrectly) and giggle to herself - I guess I can expect more of that as they grow up!
It's nice to hear there are many others like me out there, so your comment is much appreciated :)
Hi Sarah, great article!
I absolutely understand what you're going through.
We live in Zagreb and are doing OPOL and after a long time of refusing to speak English (despite understanding everything) my 3yo has just recently started to speak in English.
His English is quite good and improving all the time, but still lags WAY behind his Croatian.
I think the biggest problem is a lack of peers with whom he can speak in English. Currently I'm essentially his only source of English interaction. It's definitely better than nothing, but in my experience kids learn 10x faster from their peers.
I think some kind of English-language play group with kids that are around the same age would do wonders for all the kids!
Do you live in Zagreb? If so, would you be interested in helping me form such a group?
Hi Tom! Sorry for my extremely late reply!! Yes, I totally agree that kids learn so much faster from their peers. I'm absolutely up for getting a group of kids together to speak English... as soon as things get back to normal a bit more with covid, let's make it happen!!
Great!
Yes, of course, once things settle down.
How should I get in touch with you about that post-Covid?
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